


We Burst Through the Night

by Lulubellisima



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fantasy, Feels, Heavy Angst, Multi, Mutual Pining, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2019-08-11 05:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16469801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lulubellisima/pseuds/Lulubellisima
Summary: Rey is an empath, Ben is a telepath. They're on opposite sides of a coming war--both with abilities each side craves. Will their feelings for each other be enough to keep them together? The past will come back to haunt them both and they will have to decide whether they want to overcome their demons or succumb to the darkness.This is a modern au, with a splash of witchcraft, unending devotion between our favorite couple, and lots of people who will get in the way.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first solo fic (pun intended) set in within one of the best fandoms out there--thank you Reylo family. I'm still not sure how big this beast is going to be, but my brain is a tickin and there's no stopping the writing train. 
> 
> Thank you to the amazing @reyofdarkness for being my beta. I am so thankful you have no idea!
> 
> Quick explanation: The first part of this is a poem I wrote about Ben. The other two parts are snippets of Rey and Ben's current POV. The remainder of the story will not alternate POVs and it will not be in first person. 
> 
> Onward and downward!!!!

 

* - REY - *

There’s a road that snakes through the forest outside my home town. Over time the woods have taken it back, as if trying to heal an open wound. After the accident, it made it easier for Mother Nature to do so—no one dares drive through there anymore. People prefer to take the state road that adds almost an hour to their drive.

Maybe it’s because the road is no road now, more of a trail only wide enough for one car. Branches and rocks litter it the entire way, making it impossible to have a smooth ride. It’s been all but forgotten except for the few high school kids that go in for the traditional senior dare—survive a whole night next to mile marker 47. At least it used to be a whole night, back when the accident had just happened, when the horror of it was fresh. By the time I was in high school, it was survive an hour. As far as I know, I still hold the record—10 hours, 23 minutes, 17 seconds. I would have stayed longer if it wasn’t for Rose pulling me out.

What happened has become a myth in town. The story has changed so much over the years, no one knows the truth anymore. The papers called it an accident, but there are others who say it was murder. All anyone knows for sure is that five people died and one other survived. His name is whispered in dark corners while children’s ears are covered. His name quiets a room, his ghost clinging within the walls, darkening even the brightest of rooms.

I didn’t see him the night I did the dare, the way so many people said I would. How would I? He’s alive as far as anyone knows not a ghost—"Things like that leave echoes,” Rose always says. I don’t believe in that. I’m afraid of the living, not the dead. Still, it’s hard not to feel a chill down my spine when I hear his name. When I know part of the truth. That he was a monster and five people died. They died because of Ben Solo.

* - BEN - *

It’s strange how my hands never shake, how they never hesitate to do what must be done. It’s been so long since it bothered me to see people begging on their knees. At first it was guilt, that they were in that position because of me. Now it’s just disgust. They made their own fate because of what they did, not because of me. I remember the day it changed, and I can see the man’s face so clearly in my mind now, even though it’s been years.

Wealthy, had to be with the clothes he was wearing. Not a speck of dirt on his shoes or his tweed jacket. By the end of the hour, no amount of washing would take the dirt off that jacket. Worse, he would never forget the moment his whole world fell apart. He would never forget how much he cried and begged and pleaded to be saved. All I could do was stare—stare as the man died on my office floor. He would live on, yes, but he wouldn’t really be alive.

That man was the last one to try and act smug when he entered my office. After that, everyone entered with the same expression—fear. I think that’s what I enjoy the most now. Seeing that no matter what I say, even if I ask nothing of them at first, they all have the same fear. It’s wonderful, having so much power. Power over every part of them. Over their entire life. They fear me, yet they can’t live without what I offer. I’ve built an empire out of nothing, and I—Kylo Ren—reign supreme.


	2. So it goes...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's life is typical--school, work, sleep, repeat. There's not much that flusters her, except for the stranger she meets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the real start of the story. There's no stopping now!
> 
> Thanks again to @reyofdarkness for being my amazing beta.
> 
> *07/20/19 Updated this chapter. I wanted to add a few more details.

Rey is really good at remembering the big things—how to rewire a radio, how to fix a transmission, when her best friend’s birthdays are, how many days she spent in foster homes before being sent to Maz. It’s the little things that she forgets, the ones that regardless of how small can turn your life upside down. One such thing being forgetting her cell phone. She does it a lot. Too much. In fact it happens so often Finn and Rose joke they should start mailing her letters instead.

Rey always punches Finn’s arm whenever he says it. She can’t help it, her mind runs a mile a minute and sometimes…well, shit happens—“Be thankful I don’t forget how and when to change your oil” she’d told him once. That had shut Finn up for a few months. Until she forgot to water Rose’s plants for a whole week while she was gone and they almost died. She takes their jokes in stride now, except today is the day that forgetting her phone changes everything. Small at first, before it turns into a snowball.

 

Rey doesn’t realize she’s forgotten her phone until she’s on campus waiting in line for her cheap black coffee. It’s at Chewie’s shop—she left it there that morning. Rey tends to go to the shop when she can’t sleep, and at the most ungodly of hours. Somehow working on cars soothes her soul the way no other thing does. She’s always needed a purpose, something to work with her hands, and Falcon Auto Shop has been it for her. Not to mention that Chewie ended up saving her life. With little money in a big city while being a college student, getting hired at the shop with little “professional” experience was pure luck.

 

So Rey does everything she can to show her gratefulness and repay Chewie’s kindness. He berates her of course, telling her all the time that she works too much or too hard, but Rey doesn’t mind. Next to Maz, Chewie is her only other parental figure.

 

“Kriff!” says Rey, scrambling everything inside her backpack. The man standing in front of her turns around and glares. “Sorry,” Rey whispers.

With a heavy sigh Rey realizes her phone is back at the shop, sitting atop the slick black Chevy she finished restoring that morning. Rey looks at her watch— _at least I didn’t forget this—_ and opts for getting a coffee rather than going back for her phone.

 

While she waits for her coffee to be ready, she head into the bathroom. Rey looks at herself in the mirror and notices she is looking rather haggard. She had an odd dream the night before, though she can’t really remember it. All she can remember is that it was dark, she was in a forest, and she felt scared. Which led her to being at Chewie’s shop at two in the morning.

 

Rey shakes her head to push back the thoughts of the dream and pulls out a small comb from her backpack. She didn’t even bother to clean herself up after leaving the shop, which she is regretting now, so instead Rey quickly French braids her hair, straight down the back of her head. She pulls a small bag out of her back with the little makeup she owns and quickly tries to make herself look less tired.

 

Ten minutes later, coffee in hand, she walks the five blocks to her mechatronics lab. She’s running behind again, which makes Rey agitated and slightly aloof. There’s a slight chill in the air making her shiver and hold onto her cup with both hands. She’s in desperate need of a new jacket and maybe some gloves, but the fact is she’s barely hanging on financially and getting new clothes seems like a luxury.

 

Two blocks from her lab there’s a construction sign detouring pedestrians two blocks east of her lab building. Rey huffs and crosses the street, picking up her pace. At this rate she’ll really be late now that she has to add at least another five minutes to her route. A breeze blows by and Rey is seriously considering begging Rose to drive her to the local thrift store after she finishes lab when she bumps into someone. A very big someone.

 

Rey stumbles back, falling on her butt, coffee splashing all over the sidewalk. “Kriff!” she mumbles to herself.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

It’s only then that Rey looks up and sees the owner of the deep velvet voice. Her breath hitches as she looks the man up and down—impeccably dressed in what must be a tailor made suit. His built looks solid and muscular, Rey imagines he must spent hours at a gym every day.

 

He’s staring at her, an eyebrow raised, and Rey swears she’s seen him before. His jaw and mouth start moving like he wants to say something else, but nothing comes out, his words stuck in his mouth like peanut butter.

 

He’s…beautiful to say the least. Rey can’t actually come up with a better word to describe him. Even attractive doesn’t seem worthy enough. His dark shoulder length locks look silky and soft, it almost makes her jealous how good his hair looks. There’s a spattering of beauty marks on his pale face that Rey wants very much to trace with her fingers. He’s clean shaven and it makes Rey want to touch his face that much more—and she wonders how his skin would feel under her fingertips.

 

Then Rey notices a scar running down the right side of his face and down past the collar of his shirt. It’s thin and looks old—maybe from youth. Rey’s gaze flicks over to his eyes and she feels the air leave her lungs. His chocolate brown eyes are staring down at her, flicking up and down, as if assessing.

 

After a long pause in which Rey stares open mouthed at him for too long, he stretches out his hand to her. Rey looks at it and then at him, and slowly she takes it.

 

He lifts her up as easily as he would a leaf, taking Rey by surprise so much she stumbles forward a step, coming so close to him she can smell his cologne. Something leathery, maybe a little bit of lemon too. What interest her most though is the smell underneath. The small notes of earth and wood, they’re so faint it’s like he’s trying to hide them under the other smells. How she can smell that she doesn’t understand.

 

He’s still holding her hand when she looks up to see his face again. Up close its even more breathtaking. Rey can’t remember the last time she looked at a man and forgot how to talk or how to breathe—maybe never.

 

His hand feels so warm in hers and Rey wants to hold it for an eternity. Yet, despite his beautiful face, he seems cold and distant. He’s wearing an armor, not just with his clothes, but in the way he seems to want to close his face off. Still, his eyes show a great depth of loneliness and a desire to belong. She can feel it, deep inside herself, as if the feeling was her own. It’s confusing, how much turmoil he seems to be in. Like two sides trying to fight over dominance.

 

Rey’s watch starts beeping causing her to jump and let go of his hand.

 

“So late,” says Rey looking at the time. She turns back and bends down to pick up the now empty coffee cup and squishes it into a garbage can a few steps away. Rey glances back at the man, walking backwards as she talks. “I’m sorry about bumping into you.” Rey turns and bolts, running the last remaining blocks to her lab building at lightning speed.

 

The man stares after her until she disappears around a corner. He looks down at the spot where Rey had fallen and he frowns as he spots a small round patch. He bends down to pick it up, running his thumb over the embroidery on it. There’s a red emblem in the middle and the words “Rogue Squadron” around it. A small smile plays on his face. He stands and pockets the patch in his suit jacket.

 

His phone rings then, shaking him out of his reverie. He looks at the id and growls. “Is it done? Good. Inform Kenobi I will be there.” A car arrives in front of him and he gets into the back seat, but Rey keeps invading his thoughts and the patch keeps burning a hole in his pocket.

 

* - - - - *

 

All through lab Rey keeps looking at the hand the tall dark stranger held, however briefly. Nothings there of course, no evidence he ever held it, but even long after it still maintains a sense of warmth.

 

“What the heck?” says Rey absentmindedly.

 

“Are you ok Rey?”

 

Rey turns to see Jessica her lab partner, giving her a questioning look. “You’ve been staring at your hand for the last five minutes.”

 

Rey nearly chokes, “It’s nothing. How’s your project coming along?”

 

Rey is only half listening. She feels bad, but she feels even worse knowing how teenager-ish she is behaving. Rubbing her temples, Rey continues her project, writing down all the materials she still needs and sketching various models. Three hours later she cleans her area and heads out. Rey’s about to call Rose, when she remembers her phone is at the Falcon.

 

She makes her way to the bus stop, dragging her feet. Rey still has a shift at Corelia, an upscale restaurant on the other side of town. She works in the kitchen, washing dishes for the most part, but will occasionally help as a busser or prep cook, mostly when people are out sick. Her shift starts in two hours, which will give her enough time to go get her phone and make it to the restaurant.

 

It’s not the best job, but it pays better than some of the other places she’s worked at. Plus, it lets her listen to her favorite podcasts or even audiobooks while she’s washing. Rey hops on the bus, taking a seat in the back. She’s about to take out a book before she changes her mind, putting it in her backpack again. The bus isn’t crowded, but it’s full. For a few minutes she people watches, spending the most time on a young girl—no more than 10—and her mother. Rey can hear the girl telling her mom what she did in school and about the friend that invited her to a party.

 

Rey berates herself when a sudden wave of envy hits her. Turning to face out the window she keeps telling herself she’s fine, except deep down she knows she never will be. No matter how much time passes, being abandoned outside a fire station is not something she will ever get over. She’s glad her stop is next because hearing the girl and the mother laugh again will make her cry. So she stands up before the bus even stops and bolts out the door as soon as it opens.  As she walks to the shop, Rey keeps chanting the mantra Rose forced her to remember a few years back— _I am whole, healthy, and strong. I am whole, healthy, and strong. I am whole, healthy, and strong…_

 

Leave it to Rose to try and imbibe Rey with positivity. Rey still doesn’t understand where Rose gets so much energy or better yet, how she can be so bubbly. Rey loves that about Rose, but there are times when she is a bit much. Not that she’s not a positive person herself, but Rose is on a whole other level. Same goes for when she’s mad. When Rose is mad, Rey runs the other way. Finn calls Rose a “ball-buster” and Rey can’t help but laugh and agree.

 

Chewie waves at Rey as she approaches, his hands full of oil and his shaggy hair blowing in the wind. “Forgot your phone again didn’t you?”

 

Rey throws her head back an sighs. “Yes. I left it by Mr. Kenobi’s Chevy. I came to get it before my shift at Corelia.”

 

“I have some extra food in the fridge. Get something before you start your shift,” says Chewie, patting Rey’s back.

 

“Thanks Chewie!”

 

Rey runs to the little room in the back they have set up as a makeshift kitchen. It isn’t until now that she realizes how hungry she is. There’s a sandwich and some potato salad on a plate which she devours quickly. After she walks to the old Chevy and finds her phone still waiting for her on the hood of the car. She has enough battery to last her through her shift and she also realizes there are various texts from Rose.

 

_Finn and Poe want to go to dinner at that little diner on 5 th._

_Earth to Rey! Are you coming or not?_

_Oh, tell Jessica if she wants to join. You have lab with her today right?_

_Answer answer answer answer!!!!!_

_You forgot your phone again didn’t you?_

 

Rey is about to call Rose when Chewie comes in. “Rey when do you have to be at work?”

 

Rey looks at her watch. “In about an hour. Why?”

 

“Jed was going to take old Kenobi’s Chevy to him, but I need him to go get some parts for me instead. Can you take it to him? It will be on your way.”

 

“Sure! Where do I take it?”

 

“The Wyndham Downtown. Just leave it with the valet and leave the ticket for it at the front desk.”

 

“Sounds easy enough.”

 

Chewie hands her the keys and Rey giddily gets in. Rey loves old cars and she had been dying to ask Chewie to test drive Kenobi’s car. Luck seemed to be in her favor. Plus, she was grateful at not having to take the bus again.

 

Thirty minutes later she was pulling up to the Wyndham thinking she would be early to work when a very welcome sight greeted her. Mr. Kenobi was waiting outside having a very animated talk with her morning mystery stranger. Rey instantly wished she looked slightly better or had at least had a chance to re-braid her hair.

 

She got out and gave a small wave to Mr. Kenobi.

 

“Rey! Chewie didn’t tell me you’d be the one bringing the car.”

 

“I wasn’t, just a last minute thing,” answered Rey, handing him the keys. She turned to look at the other man who was now staring intently at her.

 

“My son is going to love this. It’s his birthday present for next month and you’ve done a wonderful job restoring her” says Kenobi.

 

“She was already beautiful to begin with, all she needed was a little attention to make her shine,” says Rey, and she can see in her periphery that the other man still hasn’t stopped looking at her.

 

Kenobi turns to look at him as well, “She’s too modest. Just look at her. Looks brand new. Perfect.”

 

“Yes. She is,” responds the man in that deep voice.

 

Rey almost goes weak in the knees hearing him. She’s never had a reaction like that before, maybe it’s because he’s older, or the aura of mystery that makes her want to know him. This is turning out to be a day of first feelings for her.

 

“This is Mr. Kylo Ren, an old family acquaintance. This is Ms. Rey Jakku.”

 

Kylo extends his hand automatically, while Rey hesitates a moment before she takes it. A spark passes between them so unexpectedly Rey gasps and releases his hand instantly.   

 

“Well Kylo, I will let you know what I think of your proposal next week. I still have to think about it,” says Kenobi.

 

Kylo nods. “Very well.”

 

“Rey, do you have a way to get back home?” asks Kenobi.

 

“I have to go to work actually, at Corelia” says Rey.

 

“Not far at all then. Well, thank you for bringing the car and tell Chewie he owes you a raise,” says Kenobi.

 

Rey laughs. “I’ll be sure to tell him. Thank you, Mr. Kenobi.”

 

“Come now, call me Ben. We’ve known each other long enough. Just not old Ben as Chewie so graciously call me.”

 

Rey snorts and covers her mouth, trying to stifle the laugh that is dying to come out. Kylo smirks next to her and waves at Kenobi as he drives away. For a moment Rey and Kylo are silent, peacefully standing next to one another.

 

“I wanted to apologize, again. For this morning. I was in a rush” says Rey.

 

“Don’t be. No harm, no foul.”

 

He smiles slightly then and Rey can tell she’s in a losing battle. There is no way she is going to forget this man. Worse still is she knows she won’t see him again. Why would she? There’s nothing they share in common and there is no way they will meet again by coincidence. Fate has been pretty generous already.

 

So she stares. Stares long and hard trying to ingrain every bit of him into her memory, the same way she does for everything that holds meaning to her—the garden in her fist foster home that always had marigolds and reminded her of the sun; the first apple pie she ever ate even though it was, as Maz described, “fugly”; the look on Maz’s face when she got her first school award, which she still has framed; the first time she ever met Rose and Finn and how she instantly knew they would be friends forever, because their faces looked kind.

 

This man—Kylo Ren—does not look kind. Now that Rey’s really looking at him, he looks harsh, angry, doubtful, and again, lonely. He is everything and he is nothing. Rey can’t quite get a read on him. He has the face of someone who can get whatever he wants, what others would kill for. Then there’s his gaze. A gaze that feels it can penetrate right down to the bone, deep in Rey’s soul. So deep, he can see things even she can’t see, things that even she doesn’t want to see. It’s hungry and wanting.

 

Rey coughs and steps back. “Umm. Have a good night.”

 

“I can take you. To your work.”

 

Rey takes another step back. “It’s only two blocks. I can walk.”

 

“I can take you,” a little forcefully.

 

It takes great strength, but Rey shakes her head. He stares again, waiting. His expression changing slightly and it’s as if he can’t understand why Rey keeps refusing his command. Rey’s watch starts beeping and she curses under her breath.

 

“I have to go.”

 

For the second time that day, Rey runs away from him, and for the first time in all of his life, someone has refused Kylo’s command.

 

Kylo stares at Rey’s retreating form in awe. “What are you?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please leave comments. I would love to hear from you.


	3. Can't Help Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to go about her day as usual, but Kylo will completely disturb whatever semblance of peace she has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to the absolutely wonderful @reyofdarkness for being my amazing beta.

Rey’s arms ache terribly by the time her shift at Corellia ends. It’s usually Mark’s job to wash all the big pots, but he’s been out sick for the last two days forcing Rey to do it. She must have carried about ten pots from the kitchen to the washing room, and her arms are paying for it now—even lifting her backpack makes her cringe. 

 

Rey clocks out and leaves through the back, following the little alleyway to the main street. She walks the couple blocks to her bus stop and looks at her watch. She has a few minutes before it is due to get there, so she enters the corner pharmacy. Her phone vibrates in her pocket—a call from Rose. 

 

“Hey, Rose.”

 

Amidst loud music and chatter Rose screams out, “Where are you? Why haven’t you answered my texts?” 

 

Cringing and pulling the phone away from her ear slightly, Rey responds. “I forgot my phone at the Falcon.” Rey goes straight to the pain reliever aisle in the pharmacy looking for some ibuprofen. 

 

“Figured as much. We finished dinner a while ago, but we’re at the usual. Come join us?”

 

“No, I’m tired. My arms are really sore. I washed so many dishes and pots I don’t even want to think about it.” 

 

Rey takes the pill bottle and heads for the counter. “I’m getting some painkillers and heading home for a hot bath. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” 

 

“Ok.” 

 

There’s a weird sound, and then the noise in the background gets louder. Rey hears laughter and two different voices start chanting. “Rey. Rey. Peanut. Rey!” 

 

“Are they drunk already?”

 

“Yep. You’re on speaker, by the way,” answers Rose with a chuckle. 

 

“Such lightweights.” 

 

“Hey!” comes the voice of Finn. “Enjoy stewing in your own soup!”

 

“Eww!” say Rey and Rose in sync. 

 

“Scratch that. Shower. Not bath. I’m going to take a shower,” says Rey. 

 

“Come play with us!” comes the voice of Poe, harsher and deeper than his usual tone.

 

“What’s wrong with your voice?” asks Rey, frowning slightly. 

 

“He has a horrible cough but decided tequila was worth trying as a remedy,” answers Rose.

 

Rey laughs so hard she bends over, holding her stomach. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

“It works!” answers Poe, and then proceeds to cough out a lung.

 

“Sure it does,” says Rey. “Take care, you three. Are we still on for this weekend?”

 

“Hell yes,” says Finn. “Bright and early—10am.”

 

“That’s not early,” says Rey. 

 

“Says you. You get up before the sun. 10am is early,” says Rose. 

 

Rey shakes her head. “Bye!”

 

“Byyyyyyeeeee,” say the others in unison. 

 

Rey hangs up and pockets her phone. It nearly 11pm, and it’s much colder now than it’s been other nights. “I really need to get a new jacket.” She hugs herself and rubs her arms up and down, then rubs her hands together. A few minutes later, the bus arrives, and she’s all too happy to get aboard. She takes out her book and reads the whole way home. Once she gets off, she runs into her apartment complex and up the stairs to the third floor. 

 

Her little studio apartment is cramped but homey, and that’s because Rey never throws anything away. She keeps anything that’s ever been given to her, treasuring it like it’s gold. All her walls are covered in shelves—short ones, tall ones, crooked ones, yellow ones, orange ones, you name it—all filled to the brim with books, knick knacks, succulents, and more. She’s picked up the shelves from thrift stores, or her college campus at the end of the year, when the sororities and fraternities throw furniture out because they’ll just buy new things the next year. Finn and Poe had gotten their flat screen, PlayStation, and microwave that way the year before. 

 

Rey barely has room for her coffee table and bed because of all the shelves. She doesn’t even have a proper bed. It’s just a mattress on the floor. There’s a couple bean bags and a few pillows lying around for when Rose, Finn, and Poe come around. They all huddle around the coffee table with takeout and half a dozen candles burning around them, a hazard, yes, but that’s what happens when you live in a run-down apartment building whose electricity gives out every couple weeks. Rey has matches and lighters everywhere, and she’s gotten so quick about turning on a candle when the light goes out, Poe calls it her magic trick. 

 

Rey drops her backpack by the door and goes straight to the kitchen. She heats up some leftover Chinese and scarfs it down, blowing on it constantly but never stopping. She pulls the ibuprofen from her backpack and takes two before leaving the pill bottle in her medicine cabinet. Once she’s finished she doesn’t even bother changing, instead just crashes onto her mattress and falls asleep. Her shower is long forgotten. 

  


*- - - - *

 

Rey wakes up and shivers, then looks at her watch. It’s nearly 5am; she’s not going to the shop that morning, and her first class isn’t until 8am. She wraps herself in a blanket and turns on the space heater she has near her bed before laying down again. She snuggles under her blankets. “Ten more minutes,” Rey says to herself as she’s laying there. The image of Kylo pops into her mind, making her smile and squirm. “Geez, Rey. Get over it.” She gets up and shakes her head, before heading into her bathroom to shower. 

 

After Rey’s done, she has cereal for breakfast while she does some reading for class. Her laptop is sitting open next to her on the coffee table, when the ping of a new email alert catches her attention. She glances at it and sees that her paycheck from Corelia has gone into her bank account. Rey adds the amount to her usual paycheck from Chewie and does some quick math. She figures if she cuts down on coffee for the next couple weeks she can buy a new jacket and maybe some gloves—not her worn and full-of-holes ones that are atop her kitchen counter. 

 

Rey checks her watch. It’s nearly 7am. If she leaves now, she can go to the thrift shop around the corner and make it in time for her class. She packs everything in her backpack and heads out. Mrs. Norris, the lady who owns and runs Yavin Thrift Store, opens at 7am on the dot. Rey has been going there since she started school, and she’s managed to find amazing things. 

 

Mrs. Norris smiles at Rey when she sees her enter the store. “Hi, Rey. Come in, come in, it’s freezing.”

 

Rey blows into her hands. “I know. I came looking for a winter jacket. Got anything good?”

 

“I do. I saved this for you, actually. I was going to give you a call, figured you were due for a new one.” Mrs. Norris leads Rey into the back sorting area and then down a small hallway. She opens a small closet and pulls out a dark green hooded jacket with a white lining. “Try it on.”

 

Rey takes her worn jacket off and tries on the green one. The inside is soft and warm, and it smells like lavender. 

 

“Washed it yesterday,” says Mrs. Norris. “So, is it a keeper?” 

 

“How much?” asks Rey. 

 

“For you…$12.”

 

“Seriously. This looks like it was hardly used.”

 

“Very seriously. I’ll keep your old one. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” says Mrs. Norris, stashing Rey’s old jacket in a bin. “You took good care of that one. Looks almost the same as when you bought it.” 

 

“It served me well,” says Rey.

 

Mrs. Norris and Rey walk back to the front; all the while, Rey keeps feeling the jacket material inside and out. “This is really nice.” 

 

Mrs. Norris simply smiles. 

 

Rey sets her backpack on the counter to take out her wallet when she notices. “Oh no!” she says, rubbing at an empty spot. 

 

“What is it, dear?” asks Mrs. Norris. 

 

“Do you remember the patch on the first backpack I ever bought here? The one that said ‘Rogue Squadron’. It’s gone. It must have fallen off.” 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 

“It was my favorite one,” says Rey, looking at the other patches lining her backpack. Once her first backpack had outlived its use, Rey had painstakingly removed the patch so she could sew it onto her current one. It had taken a couple hours. She’d wanted to make sure that it wasn’t damaged. She had read online that “Rogue Squadron” had been a political activist group in the 70s. 

 

“I hope it finds you, dear.”

 

Rey is so busy rubbing the empty spot where the patch was that she doesn’t catch what Mrs. Norris says. She merely nods and pulls out her wallet, paying for her new jacket. “Thanks, Mrs. Norris.” She’s putting her wallet away when Mrs. Norris slides a pair of gloves, the same color as the jacket, over the counter. 

 

“On the house.”

 

Rey’s jaw drops. “What?! No! I can’t…”

 

“Take them.”

 

Rey squeezes the gloves and then leans over the counter to hug Mrs. Norris. “Thank you!”

 

Mrs. Norris pats Rey’s back. “Go on, or you’ll be late.”

 

Rey grabs her things and heads for the exit. “I’ll make your favorite pumpkin cookies for you.”

 

Mrs. Norris waves goodbye, and Rey sprints to the bus stop as the bus arrives. She puts on her new gloves and grins from ear to ear. They too smell of lavender. For some reason, the smell reminds her of home. Not Maz’s place, but her town, except she can’t remember what it was there that could possibly smell of lavender. 

 

She pulls out her cell phone and takes a selfie, sending it to Maz. 

 

_Got a new jacket today._

 

_Miss you Maz._

 

_Maybe this Christmas I’ll come visit you._

 

She hits send and plugs in her headphones. Maz is probably still asleep; it’s barely 4:20am back home. Rey listens to an audiobook the whole way to campus. She gets off at her stop and starts walking her regular route. Most of her classes and her lab are in the same building. It isn’t until five minutes later that she remembers there is still construction going on near her building. Rey grumbles and takes the detour she’d taken the previous day. 

 

As she nears the block where she met Kylo the day before, she starts feeling a tingling in her stomach and a warmth that radiates through her body. She thinks its strange and starts wondering if the milk she drank with her cereal that morning was spoiled when the sight of Kylo stops her dead in her tracks. 

 

He’s standing in the same spot they met the previous day—staring absentmindedly at the sidewalk and twisting something in his right hand. For a moment, Rey can’t breathe. As she stares at him, the tingling in her stomach grows stronger, and she feels a pull in his direction. He seems to feel it too because he lifts his gaze and meets her eyes directly. They both stand frozen. 

 

After a few more moments, Kylo steps forward and stops a couple feet away from Rey. He extends his hand, offering the object he’s been twisting in it to Rey. 

 

She glances down and gasps. Kylo is holding her “Rogue Squadron” patch. “How…how did you…”

 

“I found it on the sidewalk after we bumped into each other.”

 

Rey takes it from him, their fingers touching, and for a second she wishes she weren’t wearing gloves. His hand feels cold even through the fabric, but the thought of touching his bare hand again is tantalizing. 

 

“Thank you,” says Rey, barely above a whisper. 

 

They stare at each other for a few moments, Rey feeling like she is drowning in his dark eyes. She’s starting to regret making fun of all the romance novels Rose likes to read where they describe the characters doing exactly what she is. “Get a grip,” she mumbles under her breath. 

 

“Have coffee with me,” says Kylo. 

 

“Say what now?”

 

Kylo’s lips twitch slightly, hiding a small smile. “You,” he says, pointing at her. “Me,” he points at himself, “coffee.” He jabs his thumb sideways at the coffee shop next to them. 

 

Rey purses her lips and then answers. “Me,” she points at herself. “Go to,” she lifts her left hand palm up and uses her right index finger and middle finger to run over her left palm, “class,” she points to her backpack. 

 

Kylo chokes back a laugh. “After?”

 

“I have another class.”

 

Kylo huffs. “Dinner?”

 

Rey’s lips fall open slightly. “I…uh..I…I work, until seven.”  

 

“Corellia?”

 

Rey shakes her head. “The Falcon.”

 

Kylo nods. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

 

Kylo moves past her, walking in the opposite direction. Rey turns quickly. 

 

“I didn’t say yes.”

 

Kylo stops and turns. He looks at her with an expression of admiration and annoyance. He walks back, and this time gets into Rey’s space, bending down, his face right next to hers. She can feel his breath on her neck and his nose in her hair. Their cheeks brush lightly against one another. Rey shivers, and she can’t move. 

 

“Please,” Kylo whispers in her ear. 

 

Rey nods and as Kylo lifts his head, their faces so close, Rey has the urge to kiss him. The feeling is so overwhelming she has to step back, and she lets out a breath. 

 

“Yes?” asks Kylo. 

 

“Y…yes.”

 

“See you at seven.” And with that, Kylo turns and walks away again. 

 

Rey is left standing in the middle of the sidewalk, breathing heavily. “What just happened?”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments, I would love to know what you think of this little here experiment. I'm also on Twitter @lulu_ology


	4. Get Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo get to know each to know each other and things get serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story will pick up steam from here, let's see where it leads. 
> 
> Thanks to the absolutely wonderful @reyofdarkness for being my amazing beta.

The rest of the way to class, all the way until she sits down, is a daze. Rey doesn’t know how she manages to sit down and look alert, let alone take notes. She guesses her subconscious is working on overdrive since her conscious self is doing nothing. It isn’t until the person sitting next to her nudges her shoulder that she realizes class is over. Rey shakes her head and packs her things. She has another class and work to do at her lab again before going to the Falcon. 

 

She keeps replaying her conversation with Kylo the entire way to her second class. It gets so distracting, she nearly walks into a crossing sign. Rey slaps her hand on her forehead. “Why have I turned into a fifteen-year-old?” Rey’s phone rings, giving her a welcome relief. 

 

“Morning, Finn.”

 

“Hey, sunshine! Where are you?”

 

“On my way to class. You?” 

 

“Having breakfast with my bae.”

 

Rey can hear Poe in the background laughing, coughing, and laughing again. “And you called to rub it in why?”

 

Finn laughs. “That would be mean. I’m not mean. I’m calling to invite you over to our place for dinner.” 

 

Rey bites her lip. “Umm. I’m, uh, busy tonight.” 

 

“Do you have a date?” 

 

Rey can swear Finn is grinning from ear to ear. “How…?”

 

“You only stutter when you’re talking about a guy you like.” 

 

“Lucky guess.”

 

There’s a moment when neither speaks.  

 

“Peanut, what’s wrong?” asks Finn. 

 

“I…It’s kind of weird. He’s…so intense. Amazingly hot! Just, very dark and broody.” 

 

“Is that bad?” 

 

“I honestly don’t know,” says Rey. She runs a hand through her hair, ruffling it. “I suppose I’ll find out tonight.”

 

“What are you going to wear?”

 

“Uhh.”

 

“Really, Peanut!”

 

“He’s picking me up from work. I won’t have time.” Rey is starting to regret saying yes to Kylo. 

 

“No worries girl. We got you covered.” Poe’s taken the phone from Finn. “Finn and I will take something to the shop so you can change.”

 

“That’s not…”

 

“Oh, it is absolutely necessary,” says Poe. 

 

Rey smiles. “Thanks! I have to go. Can you be over at 6:30?”

 

“We’ll be there at 6,” says Finn, taking back his phone. “See you later, Peanut!” 

 

*- - - - *

 

“What do you mean you’re leaving early?” asks Hux. 

 

“I have somewhere to be,” replies Ben curtly. 

 

“We still haven’t finished the work Snoke asked us to do.”

 

“We can finish later; I already compelled the man anyway. The rest can wait until tomorrow.”

 

Hux’s jaw drops momentarily. “Who are you and what have you done to Kylo Ren?”

 

Kylo rolls his eyes. “Later, Hux.” He leaves Hux standing in the middle of the warehouse and walks out.

 

Kylo glances at his watch. It’s barely 5:30. If he leaves now, he’ll be there earlier than their set time, but he doesn’t care. He wants to see Rey. There’s something about her that is unbearably attractive. She’s gorgeous, but there’s an aura around her that he wants to know more about. 

 

He wonders if she’s a force user like him, then shakes his head. The old families are few and all accounted for. If there were another out there with such power, the First Order would have heard of it already. No, she was something else. He would find out what soon enough. 

 

Kylo gets to the Falcon just before 6pm. He parks a block down the street with a clear view of the garage entrance. A red Camaro slowly goes out of the garage with Rey walking alongside it. It stops, and Rey stands by the driver’s door, talking animatedly. Kylo smiles, catching himself off-guard. He never smiles. 

 

The car drives away, and Rey cheerily waves as it goes. She’s wearing what was once a white tank top, now covered in filth. The arms of her coverall tied at her waist, and her legs must be swimming in the pant legs by how big they look on her. 

 

Rey turns to an older man standing behind her and jumps up and down, making such a screeching noise Kylo can hear it all the way to his car. She hugs the man next to her and he pats her back, laughing and taking a few steps back, trying hard not to be toppled by her enthusiasm. 

 

Rey hurriedly pulls out her phone from her pocket; a few seconds later she’s dancing around. The man bends over laughing, but Rey doesn’t seem to care. She’s singing along to something—Kylo can see her mouth moving but can’t hear whatever song she’s playing. Kylo feels a warmth beginning to build inside him—a feeling he can’t quite place. 

 

Rey keeps dancing, shimmying her way into the garage and disappearing inside. 

 

He’s about to get out of his car when his phone rings—it’s Hux. “I already told you we can finish tomorrow,” grunts Kylo. 

 

“The asset is dead.”

 

Kylo says nothing. 

 

“We were transporting him to headquarters and got ambushed. One of his own men took him out. Snoke wants you back. Now.” 

 

“On my way.” 

 

Kylo hangs up and takes one last look at the Falcon before driving off. 

  


*- - - - *

 

Rey looks at her watch again. She’s been standing outside the Falcon for almost thirty minutes, shivering. She looks down at her dress and sighs, feeling silly for spending so much time getting ready. Her feet are beginning to hurt; she’s not used to wearing heels. Rey looks up and down the street, but there are no cars in sight. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, growing more and more impatient. “Well, this was a waste,” she says with a sigh. Her excitement from before worn off.

  


Rose had lent her the heels along with one of her sister’s dresses. A midnight blue, sleeveless dress with a short matching-color cardigan. The dress complimenting Rey’s figure and showing off her legs. Finn brought everything to the shop and even did her makeup. Rey is a little embarrassed to admit that he knows more about it than her, but she lets him “pretty her up,” as he calls it. 

 

Chewie gave her a chance to get ready in the back room of the shop, smiling when she told him about her date. Finn kept wanting to do things with her hair, but after what seemed an eternity and a growl from Rey, he did a simple side braid. Everyone stopped working at a quarter to seven, so Rey volunteered her and Finn to close the shop, thanking Chewie again for letting her get ready there. Once everyone left Rey hugged Finn goodbye and he gave her a peck on the cheek, wishing her good luck.  

 

Rey looks at her watch again before going back into the shop. The back room has lockers for everyone to leave their belongings in. She opens hers and takes out her backpack and the clothes she’d worn earlier. She changes into her jeans, tee, and flats, then puts the dress and cardigan into the dress bag Finn brought them in. 

 

Rey puts on her jacket and backpack, walking out of the garage and locking it again. She walks down the street to her bus stop, whistling her favorite song and swinging the heels in her hand to and fro. Truthfully, she’s glad to be out of the heels, but the dress…the dress was nice. It felt nice wearing it. 

 

The bench at her bus stop is empty. She sits and places the dress bag next to her, the heels cradled in her lap. An overwhelming need to cry hits her like a truck, so hard that it takes her breath away. She brushes a tear away and berates herself. “Why are you crying? It’s not like…nothing even happened.” Rey chuckles, feeling foolish, and then hears Maz’s voice in her mind. 

 

_You’re strong, so much stronger than you know, but it’s ok to cry. It doesn’t make you any less strong._

 

Rey blows out a breath and leans her head back, closing her eyes. She starts humming absentmindedly until she hears footsteps approaching. Rey opens her eyes to see Kylo standing in front of her. Their eyes lock and there’s a charged moment between them before Rey speaks.

 

“You’re late.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” says Kylo. 

 

Rey nods. She knows he’s sorry, not just because he looks it, but she almost feels it. 

 

“There was an emergency at work, and I don’t have your number,” says Kylo, slowly approaching her. 

 

“You could have called the shop; it’s obvious you know it. I didn’t even have to tell you where it was. You just knew.”

 

Kylo nods. “I didn’t…”

 

“It’s ok. You don’t have to explain.”

 

Kylo is silent and looks down at his feet, then back at Rey. “Can we still go out to dinner? There’s a place I know that-”

 

“No,” says Rey. She doesn’t mean for it to sound so curt, but in the moment she doesn’t care. 

 

Kylo looks hurt, genuinely hurt, and then angry. Rey can almost see his emotions coming off him like smoke. 

 

“Why?”

 

Rey looks down at her hands, twisting her fingers, unsure how to say what she wants to say. She’d gotten hopeful, something she rarely did. She tells herself to know better, to be more realistic—life’s no fairytale. So when he didn’t show…well, she tells herself she should have known better.

 

Rey shrugs. “There’s no point.” 

 

Kylo stares at her, his gaze so penetrating that once she sees it, it’s hard for her to breathe. 

 

“We’re just two strangers who bumped into each other and then went their separate ways,” says Rey.

 

“We don’t have to be strangers.” 

 

“Mmm.” She looks him up and down and then at the car parked behind him, worth more than she would ever make in a year—many years. “It’s obvious by the car you drive and the suit you wear that we have absolutely nothing in common.” Rey laughs. “And the only thing I know about you is your name—maybe it should stay that way.” 

 

Her bus comes down the street and stops at the curb. Rey grabs the dress bag and stands. 

 

“Goodnight, Mr. Ren.”

 

Rey walks past him and onto the bus, leaving him standing on the sidewalk. As the bus drives off, guilt gnaws at Rey. She has the urge to call Maz, ask her if she did the right thing. Maz has been Rey’s surrogate mother since she was fifteen, so Rey knows exactly what Maz would say to her. Maz is of the idea of second chances, for anyone—an eternal optimist, much like Rose. Rey begins to think that maybe she should have given Kylo the benefit of the doubt, but another part of her feels that the two of them shouldn’t get involved. Rey resolves that the latter is the better option.

 

Rey feels a headache starting. She’s so distracted by her own thoughts that the ride home feels much shorter than usual. The bus stops and she gets off, fumbling with the heels and dress bag. Rey curses and wishes she had just left it all in her locker at the shop. She’s at the corner of the street when she hears his voice. 

 

“Rey, wait!” says Kylo. 

 

Rey spins around, mouth slightly open. “You followed me!” 

 

“You didn’t leave me with any other choice.”

 

“Oh really?” 

 

“Please, I… ” Kylo runs his hand through his hair. “I really am sorry. I should have called the Falcon to let you know I was going to be late. I should have gotten your number. Let me make it up to you.”

 

Rey shakes her head. “No.”

 

Kylo swallows hard. “Just once. Please.”

 

“Uhh, it’s just really weird you followed the bus all the way over here.”

 

“It was for you.”

 

Rey frowns. “Well, that’s not creepy at all.” 

 

Kylo snorts. 

 

“Why is it so important for you to take me to dinner?”

 

Kylo takes a deep breath. “I’ve never met anyone like you, and it doesn’t matter to me if we have nothing in common. I still want to know you.” 

 

“Ok.”

 

Kylo motions for her to follow him to his car a few feet away. 

 

“There’s a diner down the street,” says Rey as she starts walking. 

 

It takes a few seconds, but Kylo is right next to Rey again. They’re silent for the short walk, and when they reach the diner, Kylo hurries to open the door for her. The diner is mostly quiet; only a handful of people are inside. 

 

“Hey, sweetie!” says a woman, coming over to greet Rey and giving her a warm hug. “Wasn’t expecting you today.” The woman’s brown hair is frazzled, there’s multiple stains on what looks to be a very old apron, but her smile is warm and sweet. 

 

“Hi, Jyn. Impromptu visit,” says Rey. 

 

Jyn turns to Kylo, and there’s a flash of recognition before it disappears just as suddenly. “You brought a guest, I see.” 

 

“Yes, this is Kylo Ren,” says Rey. 

 

Kylo extends his hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

 

Jyn takes his hand to shake it. “Likewise. I’m Jyn Andor.”

 

“She and her husband, Cass, own this place. I used to work here,” says Rey. 

 

“We were sad to see her go, and you can tell Chewie I’m still upset at him for stealing you away. Oh, and don’t get me started about you working at Corellia because I’m still upset at _you_ for working there,” says Jyn.  

 

“Jyn, I’m so sorry, but…” says Rey, getting flustered. 

 

Jyn laughs and hugs Rey again, kissing her on the forehead. “I’m only teasing. Now, I’m assuming you’re here to eat, not just talk to an old woman like me. Take a seat, anywhere you like.”

 

Kylo observes their interaction with amusement. Rey smiles up at him and pulls at his jacket sleeve, leading Kylo to her favorite corner booth. She places the dress bag in the space next to her and the heels atop it.

 

Jyn comes back with two cups of water and two menus. “What’s that?” she asks, nodding toward the heels and bag. 

 

“Oh, that was for a date,” answers Rey. 

 

“Was?” asks Jyn, placing the water on the table.

 

“Yeah, the guy never showed up. Had me standing outside the Falcon for over half an hour.”  

 

Kylo shifts uncomfortably in his seat. 

 

“How dare he! Who is he?” says Jyn, sounding like an angry lioness. 

 

Rey nods toward Kylo. 

 

Jyn looks at him and raises an eyebrow. 

 

Kylo coughs and clears his throat. “Work emergency. I didn’t get a chance to…”

 

“Mmhmm,” Jyn slaps the menu in front of him.

 

Rey giggles as Jyn hands her a menu. 

 

“I’ll come back to take your order in a minute,” says Jyn and walks off. 

 

“Everything here is great,” says Rey, browsing the menu she has memorized by heart. Cass and Jyn haven’t changed it at all.  

 

“How long did you work here?” asks Kylo. 

 

“Almost all of undergrad. I got the job at Corellia my last semester. I loved working here, but it’s easier working at Corellia—closer to campus and it pays more. I need the extra money,” Rey looks around the diner, smiling. “I really do miss this sometimes. Even the grumpy customers.” 

 

“I couldn’t work in a place like this. I’m not a people person,” says Kylo. 

 

“Shocking.”

 

Kylo narrows his eyes at her. 

 

“It’s very obvious. Plus you’re a tad intimidating.”

 

“Do I intimidate you?” 

 

Rey tilts her head to the side and studies Kylo for a few moments. “You intrigue me,” says Rey and swallows, feeling a little on display. She looks down at the menu, trying to hide her sudden blush. 

 

“I recommend the patty melt; oh, and their home burger is delicious, their chicken sandwich is too, and you have to try the apple pie. Cass does it from scratch every morning. I keep trying to get the recipe from him, but he goes on and on about it being a family secret and that if he shared it his ancestors would haunt him. Jyn says it’s a bunch of bull and…”

 

“You ramble when you’re nervous,” says Kylo, cutting her off.   

 

“I do,” says Rey, turning a bright shade of red. “We should choose what to order.” 

 

Kylo looks down at his menu, a ghost of a smile at his face. Rey occasionally sneaks glances at Kylo, who seems engrossed in reading the options in front of him. When Jyn returns, Rey orders a turkey melt on sourdough, no tomatoes, seasoned fries, a side of coleslaw, a chocolate milkshake, and a slice of apple pie. Kylo orders a chicken salad and a glass of water. 

 

“That’s it?” asks Rey, flabbergasted. “You must be insanely fit underneath all that.” Rey waves her hand at Kylo’s torso. “You probably spend every day at the gym too.” 

 

“I am, and not every day.”

 

It’s hard for Rey to hold his gaze, so she lowers hers to the paper placemat, playing with the edges. 

 

“Do you always eat that much?” asks Kylo, his head cocked to the side. 

 

“No matter how much I eat, I’m always hungry. I eat fast too; old habit. ”

 

Kylo looks at her then, and it’s like he’s looking at her for the first time. This is the part Rey hates the most. The one where people usually realize she’s not normal. She hardly ever has to explain why. Most can decipher the reason. 

 

Rey’s not ashamed of being an orphan, of having lived in hardship before Maz took her in. She’s fought tooth and nail to get what she has, to be proud of what she is, but despite everything, a scared little girl still lives inside her—and she hates it, but sometimes the scared little girl wins. Rey is sure Kylo is going to finish his meal as soon as he can—maybe make an excuse to leave early. Except Kylo says something that takes her breath away. 

 

“You’re so beautiful. You probably don’t even realize how much.”

 

Rey’s jaw drops. She doesn’t know what to say, so she stares. That’s what Jynn sees when she brings over their food. She puts their plates on the table and frowns at Rey before pushing her jaw up with her hand. 

 

“You’re going to end up eating a fly leaving your mouth open like that. Enjoy!” Jynn walks off chuckling. 

 

“Shall we?” says Kylo, digging into his salad. 

 

It takes a moment for Rey to focus, then she nods, scarfing down her own food. All the while Kylo asks her questions. Lots of questions. Rey tells him about her bachelor’s degree in engineering, and how she couldn’t find a job, but that one of her professors helped her get a fellowship to continue studying and she is now three semesters into her master’s degree. Her tuition is covered as long as she is a graduate assistant to her professor.

 

She tells him about working at the Falcon and her favorite cars to work on. Rey’s giddy when she explains a customer asked for her personally today, wanting her to restore his 1968 Camaro. Even with all the taking she’s doing, it doesn’t take long for Rey to finish eating. She’s almost done with her apple pie when Kylo finishes his salad. 

 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you ate fast,” says Kylo. 

 

“Nope.”

 

Jyn comes over and slides the check to Kylo’s side of the table. “How was everything?”

 

“Delicious, as always,” says Rey. 

 

“Yes, it was very good,” says Kylo. 

 

Jynn turns to Kylo. “You ate a salad, dear. That’s not good; that’s just edible.”

 

Rey snorts, covering her mouth with her hand to stop from full-on laughing. 

 

Jyn pats Kylo’s shoulder gently and walks off. “Come back soon, Rey,” she calls over her shoulder. 

 

“She’s blunt,” says Kylo. 

 

“Very,” Rey chuckles. “We can go Dutch,” she says, pointing at the bill in his hands. 

 

“I invited you, remember, and then I was late. I’m paying.” 

 

“But…” says Rey about to argue, but the pointed look on Kylo’s face stops her. She lifts her hands in surrender. “Ok.” 

 

Kylo takes out his wallet and stuffs a few bills in the check holder. “Shall we?”

 

Rey nods, and they get up from the booth. They’re almost at the door when Rey stops. “Hang on, I’ll be right back,” she says, handing Kylo her dress bag and heels. 

 

Rey runs around the bar, getting on her tiptoes to look into the kitchen through a small slot. 

 

“The pie wasn’t that good today, Cass.”

 

Cass is about to flip a burger on the grill but stops abruptly and dramatically turns to look at Rey. He looks tired, but there’s a playful smile adorning his face, “That’s a blasphemous thing to say. Take it back.”

 

“No,” says Rey seriously. 

 

Cass points a spatula at Rey. “Take it back.” 

 

“Why? It’s the truth,” says Rey nonchalantly. 

 

“Take. It. Back.” Each word with more emphasis than the last. 

 

“Your burger is going to burn,” says Rey, nodding at the grill. 

 

The meat patty is getting smoky, and a smell of burning meat wafts through the kitchen. 

 

“Kriff!” blurts Cass, flipping the patty over, a black layer already caked on it. 

 

“Bye!” says Rey happily, before running back to Kylo. “Let’s go,” she says, pulling him out the door. 

 

Before the door closes, Rey and Kylo can hear Jyn’s peal of laughter and Cass screaming at the top of his lungs. “Get back here, Rey!” 

 

Rey drags Kylo by the arm, half walking, half sprinting. 

 

“Is he going to come after you?” asks Kylo. 

 

“Eh, probably not.”

 

Rey doesn’t stop until she’s in front of her apartment building. Kylo looks up at the building and scrunches his nose in disgust. 

 

“This is where you live?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“It looks like it’s about to be condemned.”

 

“Which is probably why the rent is so cheap.”

 

Kylo narrows his eyes at her. “That’s not funny. You shouldn’t live here.”

 

“Yeah, well, beggars can’t be choosers.”

 

“Rey…”

 

“It’s fine. Your car is back that way, by the way,” says Rey, pointing in the direction they just came from. 

 

She takes the dress bag and heels from him and starts walking up the steps to the building. Kylo pulls her empty hand gently, making her turn to look at him. They are nearly at eye level, and he’s close, very close. 

 

“Can I see you again?”

 

It takes a moment, but Rey nods slowly as Kylo gets closer to her. “You’re not what I expected,” he says. He squeezes her hand and brings the other to her face, caressing her cheek. “I like that,” he says. 

 

Rey is speechless. She looks at his dark eyes and wants to get lost in them, in him. Kylo’s lips brush hers gently, but he doesn’t kiss her. “Can I?” 

 

He’s asking for permission, and Rey doesn’t know if she feels angry for him not flat-out kissing her or thankful that he left the choice up to her. “Yes,” Rey breathes. 

 

The kiss isn’t like anything she’s ever experienced before. He’s kissing her like he needs Rey to breathe and she wants to give him every breath she has. Kylo’s lips are soft, and Rey wants to be devoured by them. She can feel his tongue dart out and lick her upper lip, and as she opens her mouth, he moves his hand to the back of her head, pulling her even closer to him. Rey moans softly, and the noise seems to drive Kylo on, deepening the kiss, tasting her mouth with his tongue. Rey can’t tell how long they’ve been standing there, all she knows is that she doesn’t want it to end. 

 

Kylo’s phone starts to ring, and he grunts in exasperation before pulling away from Rey. She’s slightly breathless and unsteady on her feet. Kylo takes his phone out of his jacket pocket and silences it before tucking it away again. They are still holding hands, and Rey can practically feel his hunger for her as he caresses her cheek again. She can feel how desperately he wants to have her all his own. It scares her, and it excites her. He’s about to kiss her again when his phone rings once more. 

 

Kylo curses and picks up. “What is it?” He stands there listening, never letting go of her hand. Kylo is on the phone for no more than a minute, but in that minute he goes through a range of emotions, stronger than Rey sensed before. He goes from bewildered, to angry, to scared, to worried. He’s a mix of it all. He hangs up abruptly. 

 

Kylo turns back to her. “I have to…”

 

“It’s ok.” Rey grips his hand. “It’s ok,” she coos.  

 

Kylo relaxes instantly. He hugs her this time, bringing their foreheads together. “I know you. I don’t know how, but I do. I’ve been looking for you for a long time.” 

 

“I’m here,” says Rey almost breathlessly. 

 

“I don’t want to leave.”

 

“It’s ok,” says Rey again, gripping his hand harder. “If you have to go, go.”

 

Kylo kisses her again, quick and bruising, before taking off. When he lets go of Rey’s hand, she feels a warmth she didn’t realize had steadily been growing get sucked out of her like a vacuum. The feeling makes her sit abruptly on the steps. It takes her a while to get back up and make her way to her apartment. Rey feels exhausted, like she ran a marathon. She drops everything by the front door and heads straight for her bed. She falls right onto the mattress and drifts off to sleep almost instantly. Her dreams make her restless, causing her to thrash around. The images are dark with faces she doesn’t recognize and shadows that haunt her steps. 

 

She wakes to a pounding on the door and Finn’s voice. “Rey! Rey! Are you in there? Rey!”

 

Rey gets out of bed, still tired. Her mouth is dry, and her throat feels sore. She reaches the door and opens it, blinking up at Finn’s worried face. 

 

“My god, Rey!” he says and proceeds to crush her in a hug. “What happened?” he says, pulling back and taking her face in his hands. 

 

“What do you mean?” asks Rey. 

 

Finn enters the apartment, and Rey closes the door. She nearly collapses on the floor. Finn holds her up and takes her back to bed.

 

“Did that guy you were on a date with hurt you?!”

 

“What? No!” says Rey almost falling asleep again. 

 

Finn shakes her. “Rey, wake up! I’m calling Poe.”

 

“I’m fine, Finn. Just tired.”

 

“Fine! You’ve been M.I.A. for two days! Rose came to pick you up for movie night, and you didn’t answer. She assumed you’d crashed after your weekend lab, but then you didn’t answer her text at all. She thought you may have forgotten your phone again. But then you didn’t answer Maz’s call, and she called the Falcon looking for you. Then Chewie called Rose asking about you too. We kept calling your cell, but you didn’t answer. Then you didn’t show up to work at Chewie’s. We freaked! We thought your date had done something to you. Poe and I even went to the police to fill out a missing person’s report. I decided to come check your apartment one more time. Glad I did.”

 

“Two days?” asks Rey groggily. 

 

“Something is wrong. I’m taking you to the emergency room.” 

 

“No, I’ll be fine. I just need to sleep. I’m so tired.” Rey’s head rolls to the side, and she passes out. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos are great, but comments are better!


	5. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sees pieces of her past which she doesn't understand. Kylo returns and the flood gates will open--with devastating consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta for this chapter, so all the mistakes are mine.

Rey is standing in the middle of a road that cuts through a forest. It’s after sundown and the biting cold reaches all the way to her bones as she takes in her surroundings. She wraps her arms around her body, moving her hands up and down her arms, trying to warm them up. The smell of wet dirt and pine wafts into her nose. Rey looks around and it’s hard to make anything through the trees or down the dark road, with only minimal moonlight illuminating her surroundings. 

 

She shivers and a chill runs down her spine--Rey can’t remember how she got there. Rey walks forward, determined to get out of wherever this place is. Her steps sound loud against the leaf ladden road, crunching with each step, the noise bouncing off the trees. She stops every so often, hoping to hear something, but there’s no other sound whatsoever. Just her own breathing and the quietness of it all scares her. 

 

She looks down at the cracked asphalt, the faded yellow strip line and how the grass, leaves, twigs, and weeds cover almost all of it. After some time, with every step she takes, she feels more at ease. The place is becoming familiar. 

 

Time seems irrelevant. There is no way for Rey to know how long she’s been there. So she continues walking, and it’s when she comes around a bend in the road that she sees something shocking. There’s a black Ford Pinto on the side of the road, engulfed in flames. A young child is standing in the middle of the road looking at the wreckage, standing stock still. It’s a young girl, wearing a light blue dress and a single long braid down her back. Rey runs toward the child, stopping just behind her. 

 

“Are you hurt?” says Rey, crouching down and placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

 

The young girl turns slowly until she’s face to face with Rey, who stumbles back and gasps. The girl’s face and torso is covered in blood, but it’s not the blood that scares Rey. She recognizes the girl, even with her face covered in blood. The girl is Rey. 

  
  


*---*

 

Rey wakes with a start.

 

“Oh thank goodness!” 

 

Maz is at Rey’s side in an instant. She squeezes Rey’s hand and gives her a kiss on the forehead. “We’ve been so worried about you.” 

 

Rey is lying on a hospital bed, an IV attached to her arm and a machine beeping constantly alongside her. It’s night out, Rey can see a faint glimmer of the skyline through the window. 

 

“What happened?” asks Rey in a hoarse voice. 

 

“Your friend Finn found you in your apartment. You fainted and he called an ambulance. We were so worried about you, we thought you’d gone missing. Apparently you’d been in your apartment the whole time.” 

 

Rey nods. She feels heavy and sore. She tries to sit up and Maz is at her side in an instant, propping more pillows behind her. Maz brings a cup of water to her and guides the straw to Rey’s mouth. 

 

“Sip slowly. The doctor said you could have small sips.” 

 

Rey does, but she can’t drink much more than a couple sips, it hurts to swallow. 

 

“The doctor said you were extremely dehydrated,” says Maz. 

 

“That...that doesn’t make sense,” says Rey, hoarsely. Her mind feels likes its lifting itself from a fog. 

 

“It seemed odd to us too. You’ve never been one to overlook your health.” 

 

“How long have I been here?” 

 

“Since this morning. Finn, Poe, and Rose left a little while ago. They stayed until I got here.”

 

“I’m so sorry I made you come all the way over here. I just...I don’t know what happened.” 

 

“Don’t worry about that honey. I’m just glad you’re alright,” says Maz, and she brings a hand to Rey’s cheek. Maz frowns and there’s a flash of worry on her face. “Did you drink something...new? Do something that you haven’t done before?”

 

Rey frowns. “No. Why do you ask?”

 

Maz ignores her question. “Did you meet someone new?”

 

Rey blushes momentarily. “What does it have to do with…”

 

“Rey. Did you meet someone you’ve never seen before?” Maz’ tone is harsh, Rey doesn’t remember the last time she heard Maz like that. 

 

Before Rey can answer, a doctor enters the room. “Hello Ms. Jakku. I’m Dr. Brenner. How are you feeling?”

 

“Tired,” says Rey. 

 

“Mhmm. That’s to be expected. We’ve been giving you fluids and you should be able to go home tomorrow. It’s interesting,” says the doctor, looking at Rey’s chart. “We asked your friends, but I would like to know from you. They found you in your apartment. The last time they heard from you was Friday, sometime late evening. Did you not have anything to eat or drink since then, or before?”

 

Rey shook her head. “I...I actually don’t remember what happened after Friday night. I was fine during the day and when I got home I went to sleep. The next thing I remember is waking up to my friend Finn banging on my door. That was...when was that?” says Rey, looking at both the doctor and Maz. 

 

“Sunday. This morning,” says Maz, gently squeezing Rey’s hand. 

 

Rey nods and frowns again, confused. “I don’t understand. I didn’t feel sick.”

 

“It is...odd,” says the doctor. “We ran bloodwork and a urine test. You are perfectly fine on paper as of the results we got an hour ago.”

 

The doctor asks a few more questions and it’s decided that Rey can return home, with an agreement that someone will stay with her for a couple days, to ensure she’s getting better. Maz agrees to stay in town for a few days. 

 

Once the doctor leaves, Rey turns to Maz. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.”

 

“Oh, I’m staying. No buts about it.”

 

“I probably got some virus. It is the start of flu season after all,” says Rey with a smile. 

 

“Then I’ll be here to take care of you,” says Maz, getting up and placing a kiss on Rey’s forehead. 

 

“I’m glad you’re here,” says Rey. 

 

It warms Rey’s heart to have Maz by her side. She owes everything to her and will be eternally grateful. The short woman, tough as a firecracker, grins at Rey. It’s then that Rey notices the bags under Maz’ eyes, her frazzled hair, how pale she looks despite her dark skin, and suddenly so much older. 

 

“I’m sorry I made you worry,” says Rey, tears pooling in her eyes. 

 

“Shhh,” says Maz, hugging Rey. Her grip is strong, stronger than one would think coming from a woman so small. “It’s alright. You’re safe.”

 

Rey nods. Maz lets go of her and turns to get something from a small table nearby. It’s Rey’s phone. 

 

“Call your friends. I’m sure they would like to know you’re awake. I’m going to get some coffee.” Maz walks out of the room, leaving Rey with her phone in her hand. 

 

Rey unlocks it and notices there are dozens of missed texts--from Rose, Finn, Maz, Poe--but the one she opens first is from Kylo, sent to her at midnight on Friday. 

 

_ I have to go out of town. I will return in a few days. I will call when I return.  _

 

Something tugs at Rey’s heart. She can’t understand why or how she is feeling the way she is. It’s intense, sudden, and overwhelming. 

 

Rey doesn’t answer the text. She decides to wait until she meets Kylo again, before sorting out her feelings. Rey calls Finn instead. 

  
  


\--***--

  
  


Maz stays for a week. Rey borrows a cot from Poe, and they set it up opposite Rey’s bed. To Rey it feels like home having Maz there. Rey only takes two days off work and school, not wanting to get behind on income and her studies. Maz disagrees, but doesn’t stop Rey. 

 

Rey doesn’t know what Maz does while Rey is gone, but when she gets home Maz is on the phone talking in her native tongue--Swahili--and with different notebooks scattered on the coffee table. Rey assumes its got to do with her apothecary back in Takodana, but she never asks and Maz simply smiles when she sees Rey come in. 

 

When she first started living with Maz back in Takodana, her apothecary scared her--too many odd things. As she grew accustomed to it, even Rey got good at making Rey’s famous medicinal remedies. A natural, Maz would say. Rey wouldn’t say Maz is world-renowned, but she’s good at what she does and many seek her services, of which Maz gets good money. For a short while, Rey and Maz get into a comfortable rhythm, with laughter and conversations abound. 

 

Rose, Finn, and Poe join them one night, making a small party in her apartment. It’s wonderful, and she almost forgets about Kylo, until Maz lightly jabs Rey about her taste in living space. Maz’ reaction reminds Rey of Kylo’s reaction to first seeing her building. The thought of him stirs a sense of longing and wishes he would call her already. 

 

Poe and Maz gang up on Rey, with Finn only nodding sympathetically to Rey’s arguments, while Rose giggles at the interaction. Maz goes as far as offering to help Rey economically, so she can find another place to live, but Rey refuses. It would kill her to take Maz’ money, especially now. It’s taken Rey some time to manage herself financially, and she refuses to admit she may need help. Maz is nowhere near rich, and she doesn’t want to become a burden. 

 

“It’s not so bad here,” Rey insists. 

 

Maz wrinkles her nose. “Honey. It’s awful. Please promise me you’ll move elsewhere.”  

 

“Maz…”

 

“This place is tiny and you sleep on the floor Rey. Not to mention that things break down here every other day. You need a new place,” says Maz sternly. 

 

Rey nods. “At the end of the next semester. I’ll find a new place. My lease will be up then.” Rey doesn’t really know if she will actually be able to do it, but she hopes Maz will let it go. 

 

Maz sighs, but accepts. 

 

On the day Maz is set to leave, Rey takes her to the train station. They are hugging and trying hard not to cry when Rey says, “I’ll go home this Christmas. It’s been too long.” 

 

“No. I’ll come see you. It’s my vacation too,” says Maz. 

 

Rey can feel something is off in Maz’ response. It’s a lick of fear and anxiety that reaches Rey, though the feeling is not her own. 

 

“Maz you always come up here. The trip is long and tiring, plus I haven’t been back since I graduated high school. It will be nice to be back. Rose is going this year too, I can…”

 

“No,” says Maz, and again her stern voice throws Rey off. 

 

“Maz, what’s…”

 

“You have to be careful Rey,” says Maz, deep with worry. “Stay here, I will be back soon. Be wary of new people. Finn told me of the man you went out with last week, please be careful. There are people out there...who want to hurt those like us.” 

 

“Maz, what are you talking about?” says Rey, with concern. She’s never hear Maz talk with such apprehension before, even when Maz gave her the “stranger danger” talk or the “birds and the bees” talk. 

 

Maz smiles and gently cups Rey’s face. “Just old lady worries.” She gives Rey another hug. “Please be careful.” 

 

“You know I will,” says Rey. 

 

With one last wave, Rey says goodbye to Maz as the train moves out of the station. 

 

\--**--

 

Rey is standing outside her apartment door when her phone rings with a call from Kylo. She stares at her phone and suddenly Maz’ voice rings in the back of her head, her warning loud and clear. So she lets it ring, simply silencing her ringer, and enters her apartment. The phone vibrates on her coffee table where she set it along with her backpack, and with each buzz of the phone a guilty pang moves through her whole body. Once it stops, she lets out a breathe she didn’t know she was holding. Rey moves around her kitchen, trying to make a quick dinner for herself. Focusing on the task at hand and making mental notes of what she needs for groceries, and what she needs to set up in her lab the next day. It works, and the next hour goes by peacefully. 

 

She’s washing her dirty dishes when she hears a single buzz coming from her phone. Rey dries her hands and walks over to her coffee table. It’s a text from Kylo. 

 

_ I’m outside your building. _

 

Rey gapes at the message for a minute before sighing and putting on her jacket. She may as well get this over with. “Like a band-aid, just rip it off. Tell him to go,” Rey says to herself, though even she has to admit there’s little conviction behind it. 

 

When she steps out of her building, she sees Kylo’s car packed by the curb. He’s leaning against the passenger side door, his gaze focused on his shoes. He looks so out of place there--impeccably dressed in another suit and a long black coat. Then she notices he’s gripping his phone pretty hard, and Rey thinks it will break into pieces any minute. 

 

When he hears her approaching, Kylo’s head shoots up and there’s a sense of relief on his face.

 

“Hi,” says Rey, stopping in front of him. 

 

Kylo takes the two steps to get to her and pulls her to him, his hug enveloping her. She’s on her tip-toes, her arms settling on his shoulders. He dips his head to the crook of her neck, and his nose is inhaling her scent, his lips rubbing deliciously up and down her skin. 

 

It’s intoxicating, whatever he’s doing to her, Rey can only suck in a breathe while her heart beats a mile a minute. It takes all her willpower, but she manages to push Kylo back and plant her feet back on solid ground. 

 

“I...umm...this is...”

 

Kylo is still holding Rey’s waist, and when she tries to take another step back he doesn’t let go, anchoring her to him instead.  

 

“We can’t see each other anymore,” Rey blurts out. She’s huffing so much it almost makes her light headed.   

 

Kylo’s eyes darken, and he pulls her flush to his body. “Why?” he growls. 

 

Rey’s palms are on his chest and he’s warm underneath his suit jacket--so warm. Then his scent hits her nose, that wonderful earthy smell underneath his cologne, and she recognizes it now. It reminds her of Takodana; of nights laying on the grass in Maz’ backyard, just staring up at the stars, of thunderstorms in the hottest days of summer, but most of all it reminds her of the Solo’s garden, the one she passed every day when she walked to school--the smell of gardenias. 

 

Rey can’t stop the shiver that runs through her whole body, or how her whole mouth waters at the scent. She’s lost, completely and utterly, there’s no way she can stay away from him now. 

 

“You smell like home,” says Rey. She closes her eyes and grips his coat with trembling hands, bringing her forehead to his chest. 

 

Rey feels Kylo bend down, his head next to hers, and his breath ghosting over her cheek before his lips brush her ear.

 

“You do too.” 

 

Not even a second later, Kylo cradles Rey’s face in his hands before giving her a bruising kiss. He’s starving and Rey is all too eager to feed him. She moves her hands up his torso to his shoulders, snakes her right arm around his neck, and pushes herself up on her toes, seeking out more. Kylo’s hands move from her face to her sides, gripping her waist once more. 

 

He licks her lips and she moans, opening her mouth. Rey loses herself in the moment until a horn blares loudly a block away, and she lets go, stepping back until there’s an arm's length between her and Kylo. 

 

Rey shakes her head, trying to clear the fog that’s invading her mind. 

 

“We can’t...this...too much,” is all Rey can muster. 

 

“What do you want to…” 

 

“Let’s walk,” blurts Rey. “Get some air.” 

 

Kylo nods and follows when Rey starts walking. She doesn’t know where they’re heading she just walks, with Kylo following silently next to her. They walk like this for a few minutes before Rey stops at a corner and faces him. 

 

“I’ve never felt like this before. This intense, all-consuming thing.” 

 

Kylo nods. 

 

“It scares me,” says Rey.

 

“Don’t be scared. I feel it too,” says Kylo, moving forward to cup her cheek with his hand. 

 

Rey leans in to his touch. 

 

“Slow. We need to go slow,” says Rey. 

 

Kylo leans down, and their foreheads touch. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

 

Rey chuckles. “If you’re willing to die for it, then it must be worth it.” 

 

“Consider me a willing man.” 

 

This time Rey kisses him. It’s slower and gentler than their two previous kisses. His lips are soft against hers, letting her lead the kiss. They take their time and savor it, taking a breath in between, before bringing their lips together once more. When they finally break apart, she feels sated, and somehow she feels it in Kylo too. 

 

“Coffee?” says Rey.

 

“What?”

 

“Lets get some coffee and we can talk.”

 

“Alright.” Kylo takes hold of Rey’s hand, “where to?” 

 

Rey leads him to Jyn and Cassian’s  _ Rogue Diner _ . 

 

“Is this going to be our go to place?” says Kylo. 

 

“Would that be bad?” says Rey, with narrowed eyes. 

 

Kylo gives her a peck on the lips before answering. “No.” 

 

The diner is full, but they manage to get a small table in the back. Jyn smiles and waves at them from behind the counter, mouthing  _ be right there _ , and Rey nods. When they sit Rey can’t look at Kylo. She plays with the cutlery, looks at the other patrons, anything to avoid his gaze. 

 

“Are you nervous?” says Kylo. 

 

“Something like that,” says Rey. 

 

Kylo reaches for her hand across the table and squeezes it. 

 

Rey smiles. “You look all tough and ornery, but you’re actually a big softie.” 

 

“First I was intimidating and now I’m ornery.”

 

Rey waves her hand in front of Kylo. “This does not project approachable vibes.”

 

Kylo snorts. 

 

“You have to smile every once in a while,” says Rey. 

 

“Only for you,” says Kylo. 

 

Rey blushes, and she’s saved from responding by Jyn approaching their table.  

 

“Back for more I see,” says Jynn. “What will it be?” 

 

“Coffee,” says Rey. 

 

Jyn nods then looks at Rey expectantly. There’s an awkward moment where none of them talk, and both Jyn and Kylo just stare at Rey. 

 

“What?” says Rey. 

 

“That’s it?” says Jyn, looking flabbergasted. “You usually order half the menu. What’s wrong? Are you still sick?” Jynn places a hand on Rey’s shoulder. 

 

“Sick?” says Kylo, something flashes over his face, before Rey feels his concern roll off him. How she feels it she doesn’t know, but it is palpable. 

 

“How did…” says Rey. 

 

“Maz was here a couple times this week. She told me what happened? Are you sure you should be out?” 

 

“I’m fine. You worry just as much as Maz,” says Rey, shaking her head. 

 

“Coffee alone isn’t going to do it. I’m bringing you some soup and some tea. How about you dear?”

 

Kylo doesn’t respond right away, focused on Rey, and it’s not until she squeezes the hand that’s still holding hers that he reacts. “I’ll take whatever you’re giving her.” 

 

“Be right out,” says Jyn, and walks away. 

 

“You were sick?” says Kylo. 

 

“Mhmm,” says Rey, and for some reason his question makes her feel apprehensive. She begins to slide her hand away from his, but Kylo pulls it back, gripping it tighter. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“I don’t know actually. Last Friday, after you left, I went into my apartment, got in bed...and then it was two days later. My friend woke me up on Sunday morning, banging on my door. He thought something had happened because they couldn’t get a hold of me. I was extremely dehydrated, slept the entire two days apparently. I was fine though. I got discharged from the hospital less than twenty four hours later.” 

 

“You were in the hospital?!” 

 

“Shhh!” 

 

Various heads turn in their direction, frowning at Kylo’s sudden outburst. 

 

“I’m fine as you can see. It was just a fluke. I worked myself too hard is all,” says Rey. 

 

Jyn comes to their table and places a bread bowl soup for each of them, along with a sweet tea. “Enjoy.” 

 

“Thanks Jynn,” says Rey. 

 

Kylo finally lets go of her hand and they eat. They’re mostly quiet, except for Rey’s  _ so good,  _ or  _ this is my favorite way to eat soup, _ and the occasional moaning commentary as she scarfs down the soup. Hungrier than she realizes and despite having dinner at her place not long ago. When she looks up from her now empty bowl, tearing the bread apart and eating it, Kylo is staring at her with awe. 

 

“I love that you eat with such gusto,” says Kylo. 

 

Rey laughs. “It’s the only way to eat. You have to enjoy the little things”

 

Kylo hums and give her an approving nod. Not long after that, Kylo pays for their meal and they say their goodbyes to Jyn. As soon as they’re outside, Kylo takes Rey’s hand in his. She revels in the warm touch. 

 

“Thank you for the meal,” says Rey, smiling up at Kylo as they walk back to her apartment. “That’s the second Friday. A few more times and it’ll become a habit.” 

 

“Sounds like a good habit,” says Kylo, a gleam in his eyes. 

 

Unfortunately for Rey, she remembers Maz’ warning again, nagging at her from a corner of her mind. 

 

“We haven’t talked about what you do for a living, or what you do on your time off, the things you like, where you grew up,” says Rey suddenly. Maz had warned her about new people, who for some reason would want to hurt her, but if she knew more about Kylo, he wouldn’t be a stranger anymore. 

 

They stop walking, just a few meters from her apartment building. 

 

“I’m afraid if you knew me better, you won’t want to see me anymore,” says Kylo, and he looks genuinely pained saying it. 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I’m not a nice person.” 

 

“I’m not always nice either.” 

 

“That’s not true.” 

 

“Nice does not equate good. Not all good people are nice.” 

 

Kylo lets go of her hand and brings both of his to her face. He does that a lot. Like he loves touching her. “This is why I like you. Why I can’t seem to stop thinking about you. You are so full of hope, so positive and warm--like sunshine. I want to be wrapped inside it...this feeling you give off. I want it all for myself.” 

 

He kisses her, deep and punishing, like he wants takes everything and leave her empty. Rey can barely breathe, she clings to his waist, trying to stay afloat. He’s like an ocean, vast and deep, and she can’t help but want to fall in. 

 

They finally break apart after what seems an eternity. Rey is panting so hard and her heart racing so fast, she feels lightheaded. 

 

“Let me take care of you,” says Kylo. 

 

“I can take care of myself,” says Rey. 

 

Kylo laughs. A good hearty laugh that colors his face in such a beautiful way, Rey wants to be the reason for that laugh again and again. 

 

“I’m sure you can, but you don’t have to. You don’t have to be alone.” 

 

“Remember how I said we should go slow? This doesn’t feel like we are going slow.” 

 

“What do you want then?”

 

Rey thinks for a moment, trying to get her bearings, while still holding onto his waist. Kylo’s hands haven’t left her face either. He keeps caressing it, his fingers slowly gliding into her scalp, tilting her head, wanting another kiss. 

 

“You’ve got to let me breathe. I feel like I can’t when I’m near you.” 

 

He has the audacity to smirk. “Breathing is overrated.” 

 

Kylo kisses her again and a current runs through them both. Rey feels herself falling, falling, losing herself in a fog, and suddenly she’s standing on an old road, trees surrounding her. It’s hard to see, everything is blurry, but she can make out shapes trying to get clearer and sharper, though it’s still hard to see. There’s a car on fire and a girl who’s back is to her, watching it all burn. There’s someone else there too--a man. 

 

He’s tall, and skinny, standing next to the girl. It all seems so familiar to Rey, like she has been there before, but she can’t be sure. As she approaches the girl and the man, they get clearer. She focuses on the man, who turns out not to be a man. He’s a teeenager, heaving and bloody--his eyes wide open in fear. There’s blood trickling down the right side of his face, a large gash running down his forehead and cheek. Rey gasps when she recognizes him and steps back. The teen turns to look at her and mouths something, but Rey can’t make it out. She can’t hear beyond her own breathing, blood rushing in her ears. 

 

He’s looking at her pleading and begging as he shouts, but Rey can’t hear anything. He’s crying and Rey wants to desperately go to him--to Kylo. Fear is paralyzing, and she can’t seem to move, no matter how much she wants to. Kylo looks so young and vulnerable. Rey doesn’t understand why he’s there. The girl turns to Rey now too. She looks like Rey--is Rey, but adult Rey doesn’t remember this. She doesn’t remember being in the middle of the woods with Kylo at this age, watching a car burn. Teenage Kylo touches her shoulder and Rey shakes free of the dream or is it a memory?

 

Rey is shaking free of Kylo’s grasp. She looks around wildly, trying to get her bearings. Kylo and her are still standing on the sidewalk near her apartment. Tears are streaming down her eyes, and she feels lost. 

 

“Rey, what…” says Kylo, as Rey backs away from him. 

 

“You were there,” says Rey. 

 

Kylo frowns, he tries to approach her, but Rey continues walking away. He stops and opens his mouth to respond, but Rey speaks first. 

 

“That night in the woods, with the burning car. You were there.” 

 

The blood drains from Kylo’s face, he looks ghostly. Then something seems to click in his mind as he gasps, “Reylin?”

 

A sharp pain rattles Rey’s mind and she doubles over in pain, grasping her head. The pain increases and Rey cries out, making her fall on her knees. Kylo is at her side in an instant cradling her body as the pain intensifies and starts moving through her entire body. 

 

Rey hears someone whisper in her mind. She can’t make any of the words out, but the voice is menacing and sharp. She’s starts convulsing and she can hear Kylo desperately calling her name and cradling her face. Rey wants to scream, to say something, but the whispers in her mind are getting louder and she can’t speak, her throat is constricting. 

 

Kylo mutters under his breath, his arms grasping her body. She can’t understand his words, but the pain instantly subsides and the hand on her back emanates a warmth that settles her, anchors her to the present. 

 

The voice that whispers in her mind is gone too, the pain in her body ceases, but the pain in her head remains--throbbing. Kylo calls out her name several times, but Rey can’t answer. There’s a dark cloud filling her mind, and she’s tired, so very tired. Kylo is shaking her softly, calling out her name to try and keep her awake, but it’s no use. The last thing Rey remembers is seeing tears roll down Kylo’s cheeks, before the darkness takes over. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments. I want to know what your thoughts are. Twitter @lulu_ology


	6. Hard Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths are hard to swallow and what Rey learns can break her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is considerably shorter than my others, but it seemed like a good place to stop for this part of the story. So here it is.

Kylo is at her side when Rey wakes up. It’s a dimly lit room, and she’s laying on a small cot, her back aching slightly and her head throbbing gently. Kylo is standing by what must be a window, he’s peeking through the side of a curtain. When he hears Rey stir, he moves fast, sitting on a chair next to the cot.

 

“I’m glad you’re awake,” says Kylo, taking her hand and kissing it lightly. 

 

“What happened?” says Rey. 

 

“What do you remember?” 

 

Rey closes her eyes and tries to think back. She remembers meeting him outside her apartment, kissing him, going for a walk, kissing him, eating at the diner, kissing him some more, and then everything goes blank. 

 

“We kissed a lot,” says Rey, with a smile. 

 

Kylo snorts. “That’s what you remember?” 

 

Rey shakes her head. “We were outside my apartment, walking back from the diner. We kissed, and then…” says Rey, bringing her hand to her head, it’s throbbing more now, not exactly painfully, but bothersome. “I don’t remember anything else.” 

 

Kylo swallows. “You don’t remember anything after our kiss outside your apartment?” 

 

“No. I...where are we?” says Rey, suddenly looking around. She doesn’t recognize the room. 

 

“You fainted. I brought you to a...friend’s house. He will help us.”

 

“Help us?” 

 

A door to Rey’s right opens, and a man enters. He has short black hair, and a mousy demeanor. He approaches cautiously and gives Rey a small smile. “This will make her feel better,” he says, a cup in hand. 

 

“Thank you,” says Kylo taking the cup that the man is offering. “Rey, this is Mitaka. He’s a healer. We’re in his apothecary. You’ll have to drink this.”

 

“What is it?” says Rey. 

 

“It will help bring your energy back,” says Mitaka. 

 

Rey brings the cup to her nose and wrinkles her nose. “Is this mate?” 

 

Mitaka looks surprised. “You can still smell it?” 

 

Rey nods. “Maz, my foster mom, she used to give this to me all the time. Never really got used to the taste. I could recognize this smell anywhere, it practically seeped into apothecary.” 

 

“Your foster mom is Maz Kanata!” says Mitaka, looking shocked. 

 

Rey frowns. “Do you know her?” 

 

“She’s the most well known apothecarian in the country, and a...” says Mitaka, but doesn’t finish. He looks at Kylo, who ignores him. 

 

Mitaka clears his throat. “She’s very good.”  

 

“She is,” says Rey. It’s surprising, she didn’t realize the apothecary business was a lucrative one or one that would be Maz known by name. 

 

Kylo moves slightly in the too small chair, looking uncomfortable, and there’s a twitch under his left eye. “I have heard of her as well.”

 

“Seriously?!” says Rey. 

 

“Well...I’ll leave you to it,” says Mitaka, and walks out of the room. 

 

“Thank you,” says Rey at Mitaka retreating back. 

 

Mitaka nods. “You have to be gone soon.”

 

Kylo nods and Mitaka closes the door. 

 

Rey looks at Kylo with a worried frown. “What’s wrong?” 

 

“Drink the tea, Rey.” 

 

She hesitates, but does drink it and she feels infinitely better than before. “He put something else in this, but I can’t really make out what it is. I’m out of practice. Maz would kill me right about now.” 

 

“We need to talk,” says Kylo, morosely. 

 

Rey sits up and brings her hand to touch Kylo’s right cheek. “You’re so worried. Why?” 

 

Kylo leans into her touch. “You have no idea what you are. What you’ve just stumbled into. It changes everything.” 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

“Finish your tea and I’ll take you home. We can talk there.” 

 

“Tell me now.” 

 

“It’s not safe.” 

 

With that Kylo stands, to bring Rey’s purse and jacket, clearly wanting them to leave. They walk out of Mitaka’s apothecary, quiet as a mouse, no one the wiser. Mitaka doesn’t see them out, preferring to pretend they weren’t there in the first place. Rey is surprised to see they are in a part of the city she has never been to. She doesn’t bother trying to figure out where she is or take in the scenery, something is off and she can feel it. It’s putting her on edge, and she’s not sure if the feeling is hers, it feels foreign. 

 

Neither talk the entire drive back, the feeling of unease between them is almost tangible. It is well past midnight by the time they make it back to her side of town, cruising down well known streets, when she feels a weight lift. They remain quiet as they walk up the three flights of stairs to her apartment, and even as Rey opens the door to let Kylo in. She turns on a standing lamp by the entrance and motions Kylo take a seat on the floor by the coffee table. He’s barely had a chance to look around the room when something causes him to fly across the room and pin him to the wall. His body is outstretched like a cross against the only empty space of wall above her bed.  

 

Rey screams and tries to run to him, except an invisible wall blocks her path. She tries to move forward, but something she can’t see is preventing her from moving forward another step. Out of the corner of her eye, Rey sees movement coming from the kitchen. She’s shocked to see Poe emerge from the darkness. His arms are outstretched, one hand focused on Kylo’s body against the wall, and the other in between the space separating Rey from Kylo. 

 

Rey looks at him like a stranger. “How are you doing this?” 

 

“I need to get you out of here Rey. His men will come soon,” says Poe. 

 

“Dameron?” says Kylo, recognition dawning on his face. 

 

Poe glares at him. “Long time, Solo.”  

 

Rey’s headache is the least of her worries now. “Solo? What is going on?!” She looks from one man to the other, but neither talk--staring daggers at each other instead. “Kylo, why is he calling you Solo?” 

 

Kylo looks at Rey and there’s pain in his eyes. 

 

“That’s Ben Solo,” says Poe. “And he’s one of the most powerful Force users.”   
  


“Force users?” says Rey. 

 

“I can’t hold him for long Rey. We need to go. Now!” 

 

“Don’t you dare touch her!” says Kylo, and he’s able to lift part of his right arm before it gets slammed back to the wall. 

 

“Rey, Maz sent me to get you. We have to go!” 

 

“Are you one too?” says Rey, motioning to Poe’s outstretched hands. 

 

Poe nods. “We seriously need to go. Maz will explain everything.” 

 

“Rey,” says Kylo, barely above a whisper, but pleading. Rey can feel his pain and anguish. 

 

“I’m not leaving him,” says Rey. 

 

“He killed your parents,” says Poe. 

 

Rey feels a bucket of ice water drop on her. She turns to Kylo, waiting for him to say something--anything. He doesn’t. 

 

“No. He can’t have. My parents left me. They were junkies who died of an overdose. How could he have killed them?” 

 

“Your parents died in a car accident on a forest road near Takodana. He was the one in the other car. The one who caused the collision. Killed his own father too.” 

 

Tears are running down Rey’s cheeks. She stares at Kylo, and a sudden dream comes to mind. A girl staring at a car in flames. A young Kylo covered in blood next to her. 

 

“That’s why I fainted, because I remembered. You were there. I saw you, on the road. I saw you.” 

 

“Rey, please,” says Kylo, his eyes watering. 

 

“Tell me it’s not true.” 

 

Kylo only stares back. 

 

“Tell me!” 

 

“I can’t.”

 

Rey chokes out a sob. She’s trembling and her legs are about to give out. 

 

“We have to go,” says Poe, coming up next to Rey. 

 

Poe moves his left hand and Kylo’s head lifts off the wall before slamming back on it hard. He’s knocked unconscious, falling onto Rey’s bed. Rey startles and takes a step toward Kylo. Her heart is aching, and she doesn’t know what to do. She’s in a daze, she can’t even hear what Poe is saying next to her, but all she sees is Kylo on the floor, blood trickling down the side of his forehead. 

 

Poe grabs Rey’s backpack and empties it, then proceeds to stuff it with clothes, moving around and talking. Rey still isn’t listening, she kneels down next to Kylo and is about touch him, but the memory of the forest road pops in her mind again. She withdraws her hand and stands up. 

 

Poe leads Rey out of her apartment, half carrying, half dragging her down the steps and into the night. He helps her get into his car, and they drive off. Rey is silently crying in the passenger seat. Poe is not a fast driver, Finn usually makes fun of him for that, but he’s driving well over the speed limit now. He’s taking them out of the city. 

 

“What are you?” says Rey, sniffling. 

 

“I’m one of the good guys. Ben...he’s bad. Joined the First Order. They kill people like us Rey.” 

 

“I’m not like you.” 

 

Poe sighs. “You are. You just didn’t know it. You’re a force user too, and now they know.” 

 

Rey doesn’t believe it. Can’t believe it, but Poe said Maz sent him to get her. “What’s going to happen?”

 

“We’re going to see Maz. She’ll know what to do.” 

 

Rey looks out the car window, the city drifting by. She’s never felt so lost. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm debating whether to keep writing this or not...let me know what you think in a comment.


	7. Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns the truth of her past and must come to grips with the future.

A loud honk wakes Rey from her sleep. There is growing traffic in front of them, and a large skyline Rey doesn’t recognize.  A sharp pain in her neck and back make her groan, her body not appreciating the strange position she’s in. Rey sits up straight on the passenger seat, but feels all out of sorts. 

 

The sun is barely breaking over the horizon and whatever city they are approaching is just waking up. Poe looks dead on his feet--or in his seat--looking straight ahead. 

 

“Where are we?” says Rey. 

 

“Chicago. We’re meeting Maz here,” says Poe, without even looking at her.

 

“Why here?” 

 

“There’s a safehouse, and it was the closest place we could get to on short notice.” 

 

Poe drives on the highway for a while longer before going into the city. They make their way to a neighborhood, and Rey can’t help but admire the old houses. Some brick, some not. They all have something different about them, not the typical cookie cutter style neighborhoods are common for now.

 

“This must be a historic neighborhood,” says Rey. 

 

“Mhmm. The wards here are the strongest.” 

 

“Wards?” 

 

“Protection spells.” 

 

“Like witch spells?” 

 

Poe sighs. “Not witches. Maz will explain everything.” He stops in front of a two story red brick house, and gets out of the car. 

 

Rey follows him out, grabbing her backpack. Even if Poe hadn’t mentioned the wards, Rey would have been able to sense something off in the area. It feels like floating in honey, plus her stomach feels odd, and another headache coming on. Worst off is she is stuck, her feet won’t move an inch.

 

“Sorry” says Poe, grabbing hold of Rey’s hand. 

 

The odd sensation seizes when Poe grabs hold of her. 

 

“They need to give you permission to pass through the wards,” says Poe. “Lets get inside.” 

 

Poe leads Rey inside the house, not letting go of her hand. When they enter Maz is in the foyer, talking to a young blonde woman. When she sees Rey, Maz immediately walks forward and crushes her into a hug. 

 

“I’m so glad you’re safe. I shouldn’t have left you,” says Maz. 

 

“What is going on Maz?” says Rey. 

 

“She needs permission to pass the wards,” says Poe, shaking his and Rey’s hands. “And I need to use the bathroom.” 

 

“Of course,” says Maz. “Kaydel, will you be so kind.” 

 

The blonde woman approaches Rey and offers her hand to shake. Poe let go of Rey’s hand, and as soon as he does, she begins to feel that odd sensation again, but stronger. Poe walks away, visibly disgruntled, and obviously knowing where to go. 

 

“Take her hand Rey,” says Maz. 

 

Rey does. Kaydel whispers something unintelligible and their joined hands glow briefly before letting go. 

 

“Done,” says Kaydel. “You can use the lower guest room. I’ll make some tea.” 

 

“Thank you dear,” says Maz. Kaydel walks away, and Maz leads Rey further into the house. 

 

Nothing seems out of the ordinary inside the house. Rey is not sure what she was expecting, but it surprises her nonetheless at how normal it all looks. Maz leads her into a small bedroom toward the back of the house. There’s a bed, with a night stand, a dresser, a small table set with two chairs, and a door at the far end that Rey assumes leads to a closet or bathroom. Maz goes directly to the bed and sits, then motions for Rey to do the same. 

 

“I need the truth Maz,” says Rey, dropping her backpack on the floor and sitting on the edge of the bed. 

 

Maz sits next to her and takes hold of Rey’s hand. “I am so sorry it came to this. I only wish you never had to go through it.” 

 

“So living a lie would have been better?”

 

“Yes,” says Maz. 

 

Rey stands, moving away from Maz. “How can you say that? I deserve to know what happened to my parents, and what is happening to me. What am I?” 

 

“Rey, please sit.” 

 

“No! Tell me everything. Now!” 

 

Maz sighs. “You remember the story of Ben Solo. All the rumors and that ridiculous dare on Old Takodana Road?” 

 

Rey swallows and nods. The entire time she slept in the car, Rey dreamed of that road, what she saw, and of Kylo--or Ben. She still couldn’t believe that he was one and the same. 

 

“That story is only partly true. You’ve seen the other part, in your dreams.”

 

Rey frowns, and is about to ask Maz how she knows this when she answers. “Poe said you mentioned something like that, in your apartment when he picked you up.” 

 

“You mean when he attacked Kylo and threw him up against a wall--with just a flick of a hand.” 

 

“There is much you don’t understand.” 

 

“Then explain it,” says Rey. 

 

“Sit. Please.” 

 

Rey hesitates, but does as Maz asks, sitting back on the edge of the bed next to her. 

 

“His name is Ben Solo. He changed his name after what happened. After he joined the First Order.” 

 

Rey wants to ask what the First Order is, but decides to let Maz talk before asking anything more. 

 

“Your parents were heavy drug users, I did not lie about that. Your mother however, was clean for most of her pregnancy and for some time after you were born. From what I was told, your parents had a very toxic relationship. When you turned three, you started showing signs...signs that you were a force user.”

 

“What does that mean?” 

 

“Some of us are born with incredible gifts Rey. You saw what Poe could do--he’s a telekinetic. Kaydel is good at spells. I’m good at potions and healing. We are all different, and those of us who have these gifts have been hidden from the world for hundreds if not thousands of years. While we tend to want to live our lives as a normal human being, there are others who want more. The First Order is a group of Force users who use their gift to hurt others, taking what they want and creating chaos amongst humans and us. Their leader is a man named Snoke. He is evil, and wants to see the world burn.” 

 

There’s a knock on the door that makes Rey jump. Kaydel opens the door, holding a tray with two cups of tea. She places it on the small table.

 

“If you need anything, let me know. I’m going to get in contact with the others.” 

 

“Thank you, Kaydel” says Maz. 

 

When Kaydel leaves, Maz stands and moves to sit at the table. Rey follows and waits as Maz takes some sips of tea. 

 

“Your parents went to someone like me--an apothecarian--when you started showing these signs.” 

 

“What signs?” says Rey. 

 

“You’re an empath dear. You can feel others emotions and even...modify them if you wanted. You can see into their soul, just by knowing how they feel.” 

 

Rey mouth drops. “No. No, I’ve never done that.”

 

“You did that to your parents, changed their mood and even saw some of their memories.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“Abilities like ours, when manifested, expulse a sort of energy. There are some powerful enough to feel that energy and know that someone with the Force has awoken. I felt that when you manifested at three. The First Order did as well. We knew they were searching for you, just as we were. The apothecarian your parents visited is an old friend, he alerted me to your location. You were almost five by then. When I talked to your parents on the phone. They were…” 

 

Rey gripped the edge of the table, her knuckles white. “Tell me.” 

 

“They were afraid Rey. Afraid of what you could do.”

 

Rey exhales, and tears start pooling in her eyes. Maz grabs reaches out to grab her hand and squeezes it. 

 

“It’s not your fault. They did not understand, few humans do.”

 

Rey wipes a falling tear off her cheek and nods.  _ They were my parents, why couldn’t they understand? _

 

“What did the do?” says Rey. 

 

“They gave you to me.” 

 

Rey swallows back a sob.  _ They left me because...because I’m different.  _

 

“They were on their way to Takodana, taking the Old Road. You were with them. Those dreams you had, they were memories Rey. Memories of what happened, and given that you were with Ben Solo, probably his memories too.” 

 

“So, what I saw was real?” 

 

“Yes, dear. It was. Ben Solo was on that road that night too. He was a volatile boy, even from a young age. A Force user as well, but with a gift he couldn’t control. His parents tried to get him help, he was with his father--Han Solo--driving on that road. They were on their way to his uncle, hoping that he could help. The entire family on his mother’s side are Force users--powerful ones at that. What none of us knew what that Snoke had already gotten to him--turned him. He fought with his father, then they crashed into your parent’s car. Your parents and Han Solo died that night. Only you and Ben survived.”

 

Rey shakes her head. “That’s not the story that every tells.” 

 

“No, we made sure it wasn’t. The Takodana PD and the Gazette reported the deaths of Frank and Julie Jacobson, and their daughter Reylin, along with the deaths of Han Solo and Ben Solo. You were dead to the world and the First Order could not get to you anymore, and Ben...well Ben left on his own. Ran away.” 

 

“But they blamed him. Blamed him for all the deaths.” 

 

Maz looks grim. “They had a very public fight, earlier that night. Townspeople saw them leave in his father’s car. Ben was driving.” 

 

Rey sniffled, brushing away more falling tears from her face. “Why can’t I remember any of this?” 

 

Maz lets go of Rey’s hand and gripped her tea cup.

 

“Maz?” 

 

“I...I erased your memories and bound your gift.”

 

Rey gets up so fast she knocks the chair to the floor. “How could you do that?! Hide all of this from me?!”

 

“We didn't want the First Order to find you,” says Maz and she’s crying now. “I wanted to keep you safe.” 

 

“By taking my memories and hiding who I am?!”

 

“The First Order could have found you and taken you. There was no way I could have protected you then.” 

 

Rey starts pacing the room. “I can’t believe you did this. I can’t believe this is happening. Kylo he…” Rey pushes her fingers through her hair.

 

“He is one of them Rey. He is Snoke’s second in command, and he’s done more harm to Force users than you can imagine.” 

 

“I need some air,” says Rey, and runs out of the room. It doesn’t take long for her to find the back door and burst out of the house, into the backyard. She gasps for breath, trying to calm down, and keep herself from crying even more. 

 

Poe is sitting on a bench at the far side of the backyard, his arms resting on his thighs and his head in his hands. As Rey approaches he lifts his head, his eyes puffy and red--he’s been crying. He sits back and runs his hands up and down his thighs. Rey sits on the bench next to him. Seeing Poe like that makes something click in Rey’s mind. 

 

“We’re not going back, are we?” says Rey, even though she already knows the answer. 

 

“No.”

 

Rey turns to look at Poe, his face staring at the sky. “We’re just leaving them? Rose and Finn.” 

 

Poe doesn’t answer.

 

“You’re just going to abandon Finn? I thought you loved him.” 

 

She wouldn't’ need to see him to know how he feels, the anger rolls off of him and hits her straight in the chest, but under the anger is something else. Immense pain, very similar to hers. 

 

“I don’t want to leave him, but there’s nothing I can do! You have no idea…,” he swallows. “I wasn’t even supposed to be with him, and now he’s in danger because of me.” 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Maz tasked me with your protection. I was suppose to stay close, but not interact. Then I saw Finn, and everything changed.”

 

“That night at the bar?”

 

Poe nods. “I’ve never wanted anything for myself. This…,” Poe gestures around him. “The Resistance, and fighting the First Order. This is all my life has been--until Finn.” 

 

“So we leave them behind. Everything we are, we’re suppose to just...what forget it?” 

 

“It’s the only way to keep them safe. The First Order will know about us by now. Ben Solo will make sure of that. If we leave, they won’t go after them.” 

 

Rey thinks of Kylo--no, Ben. Ben, who made her feel like she had never felt before, and now...it is all gone--buried under a mountain of lies and secrets. She can’t tell if any of it was real.  _ He caused the accident. Killed your parents. The ones who didn’t love you. The ones who abandoned you.  _

 

Now, she’s the one abandoning. Rey is leaving Rose and Finn behind, but also her whole life and everything and everyone she cares about. She wonders what Rose and Finn will think of her or what Chewie will say when she doesn’t show up at the Falcon. They’ll worry, just like last time, except Poe is gone too now, and so will Maz. 

 

“Have you done this before? Abandoned everything.” 

 

Poe finds it hard to swallow. The knot in his throat only gets bigger, and he is not ok this time. No matter how much he tells himself it is for the best, this time it doesn’t work. 

 

“Yes, but it didn’t hurt so much before.” 

 

Fat tears fall down Rey’s face--a dam is broken and there’s nothing she can do. Her sobs are silent, but they shake her whole body. Poe grabs Rey’s hand and squeezes hard. Rey almost lets go of his hand. She feels his turmoil, his guilt, his anger, his sadness, and it threatens to drown her. Still, she doesn’t let go, instead she lets it pass through her, and in her mind she thinks:  _ It will get better _ . The phrase repeats, looping in her head, trying to sink in. Rey feels Poe relax next to her, but it doesn’t really feel better. It will take a long time before either of them feels better. 

  
  



End file.
